Interview with Inuyasha
by kitsune splash
Summary: A simple, inanity induced interview.


Konnichiwa, minna! This is Turq speaking. My friend Dia and I have collaborated again on a script form interview (our previous work is a Hellsing fic and can be found my other account)!

Disclaimer: We do not own Inuyasha.

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Dia: Hello! This is Dia here, and we are about to interview… INUYASHA! The sweetest puppy in the world!

Inuyasha: -backstage- I heard that!

D: And here comes Inuyasha, lead by the world-famous… TURQ!

-Turq jumps onstage and poses for the audience. While the audience applauds, Inuyasha rolls his eyes-

I: This is stupid.

D: Now, Inuyasha, would you please take a seat.

I: -reluctantly sits-

D: Good boy! Now, question one: What type of dog are you?

I: -glare- Whaddya mean!

D: I'm sorry… What type of… mutt… are you… er, half-human… half…?

I: I'm a demon you idiot! And I'm now a mutt!

Turq: Well, you are mixed, so technically…

I: Why you--!

D: -frantic- Next question! Inu, how strong are your feelings for Kagome?

Audience: Ooooooh!

I: -turns cherry red- Um…

D: Answer?

I: Er… crosses his arms and looks away with a stubborn face-

D: What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?

T: -snickers- Heh… Cat. I get it.

I: You morons!

D: Um… never mind… Question 3: How do you feel about Kagome, a human girl, pulling the Tetsusaiga from your father's resting place?

I: It sucks! I should've been able to get it!

T: Yeah, but you didn't. Sheeee did!

I: I could've got it if I had really wanted to!

D: Right… Anyway…

I: -pride crushed- I COULD HAVE!

D: Uh huh. Anyway, who is this Kikyo I've heard about, eh? Don't you know it's cheating to mess with two girls?

I: T-that um… why are you bringin' her up!

T: It helps our ratings.

D: Yes. So does this next question: Who do you really have feelings for?

-Kagome is listening intently backstage-

I: I… don't like… either of them?

D: Oh, so who kisses better?

-Dia and Turq move in closer to Inuyasha-

I: I'm not answering!

D: -growls and turns to audience- Did you know that Inuyasha has a chew toy named--

I: Okay, okay!

T: Talk about blackmail… Sheesh.

I: Kikyo's kiss was a big part of my past, and Kagome…

D and T: -leaning forward-

I: -come to a conclusion with a very serious face- Kagome's a terrible kisser…

Kagome: SIT! Sit, SIT, SiT, SIt, sIT, sit, SIT! (varying degrees of 'Sit')

-at this point Inuyasha has disappeared and a giant hole through the cough and the stage floor has appeared in his place-

D: Now that couch is ruined!

T: Man, that's the third couch this week…

-a new couch is wheeled in, followed by a VERY angry Kagome-

K: A bad kisser, huh?

I: -echoing from the bottomless pit- Why is she here!

K: Just so you know, you're not the greatest kisser yourself!

T: So he really kissed you?

K: …yes… that jerk…

D: Oh, the drama.

I: -crawls out of the hole, wearing rock climbing gear, and cowers under Kagome's glare-

D: Yikes… While the stage is being repaired, we'll have a quick intermission!

-INTERMISSION-

T: And we're back!

-stage is patched up with duct tape pizza boxes-

I: Nice patchwork…

D: We work with what we got! This is a low budget show!

T: Yeah! Especially since we spend all our money on ramen, manga, and crap we don't need! Anyway, for our second half, we are bringing in some special guests!

D: What? When did we get special guests?

T: I snatched them up just a few minutes ago!

D: It's not that creepy fan-boy that wanted my socks, is it?

I: Ew…

T: -horrified- I didn't just grab some random bystanders!

D: Thank God.

T: In fact, it's two people who play very important parts in Inuyasha's life! Introducing Sesshomaru and Jakotsu!

-Sess and Jako come onstage drinking slushies-

I: Wait a minute! They aren't important to me!

T: Sure they are! It's your brother and your fan-boy!

I: Who cares!

T: Well, I never said they had a positive importance in your life…

Jakotsu: Inuyasha! -pounces on Inu- I LOVE YOU!

I: Get it off me!

Sesshomaru: -sighs- Fools…

T: -sits dangerously close to Sesshomaru- Okay, now onto some questions! Inuyasha, which is better, Kibbles 'n Bits or Ol Roy?

I: Actually I like those bacon thing but… HEY!

T: So you do eat dog food?

I: …No.

K: Yes he does.

I: -shocked- No I don't you stupid--

K: SIT!

I: -SLAM!- Aug!

J: -gasps and tries to attack Kagome-

D: Hey! -tackles Jako- No killing people! We want higher ratings, but not that bad!

T: Yeah, and even if we did take it to the extremes, we'd play the nudity card first… -eyes gleam at Sesshomaru-

S: -suddenly drops slushie and cringes-

D: -sarcastic- Oh yeah, nothing hotter than a naked dog demon with a brain freeze…

T: Don't question my fetishes.

D: Whoa, this show just went way off topic… -cringe-

T: Oh, yeah… Sorry… Um… next question: Sesshomaru and Inuyasha, do you like having your tummies scratched?

I: What the -beep-?

D?!

I: What was that! All I said was -beep-!

D: When did we get a censor system?

T: Yesterday. Now people must use happy words…

I: -beep- that's retarded.

T: Happy words. Anywho, answer the question!

I: What that tummy thing… um… yes?

T: I KNEW IT!

D: -discretely reaches over and scratches Inu's tummy-

I: O.O -his right foot begins to thump against the floor-

Audience: AWW!

T: -glances at Sess- What about you…?

S: …don't even think about it.

T: -pounces on him and copies Dia's action-

S: -his leg begins to kick- What in the -beep-? -beep beep- make it stop!

J: They're… so… cute…

D: Well, um… should we take an intermission?

T: Um… sure.

-INTERMISSION-

-curtains rise. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru are strapped down to chairs and Jakotsu is suspended from the ceiling-

T: Once again, we're back! Jakotsu was getting a bit frisky during the break, so we had to… achem… -points to ceiling-

D: Shame, shame… Then, the puppies thought they could escape so now we have a little surprise for Inuyasha and Sesshomaru!

D and T: -pull out bright red lipstick-

I: …-whimper-

S: No! I'm too young!

T: Prepare to meet your maker! -applies lipstick-

D: And pucker up! -smacks her lips-

-Curtains close, and the audience hears "Noooo! Smooch! GET AWAY! Mwaa! Mommy!". When the curtains rise again, the dog demons are wide-eyed and covered in kiss marks-

T: Ahh… -wipes off what little lipstick remained- Should we call it quits for now?

D: Um… -sees Kagome in the back of the studio holding a baseball bat- Yeah. I think we should run. Fast.

T: Wha? -sees Kagome who is now walking to the stage- Holy crap, she's gonna kill you. Luckily, I won't be attacked since she doesn't have the hots for Sess.

-suddenly a swarm of machete-wielding Sesshomaru fan-girls enter the studio and gather behind Kagome-

T: O.O.

D: O.O.

Both: -run-

-

There you have it! Please check back for updates (since this interview is in parts, and trust me, it gets a lot better from here!), and review. But I warn you: This was for humor and boredom purposes only. Flames are POINTLESS. Ja ne!


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